I need more SALT!!!!

Quick rating of movie. 2/5. 2nd star is earned because it is a so horrible it is funny movie.

Spoiler alert for anyone planning on watching Salt. Do not continue reading unless you want to know everything about the movie that I deem important to know for my post.


OK so here we go with my personal analysis of the movie. Now the obligatory recap of the movie. Salt is a Russian spy undercover in the CIA who has been outed by another Russian spy. She is on a mission to kill the Russian president so that we can relive the Cold War. I love this idea. Anything that involves US and Russia relations worsening is great as long as the US wins but this movie did not quench my thirst for action or Cold War.

I have two major problems. First, the movie could easily be condensed (and simplified) to a 30-45 minute beginning and then we could have an hour of her killing Russian spies. I love it. As it stands, the movie is more of a 1.5 hour trailer for Salt II. Dislike. Second, the movie is not very actiony. When I go to see a movie that is advertised as the feminine Jason Bourne, I expect it to be a female that kicks butt like Bourne did. I did not expect it to be a pansyfication of the Bourne genre. I have now learned that when a movie is labeled as the feminine that it is going to suck. Hollywood has now taught me that girls aren't as kick butt as guys undoing everything that my grade school education did for gender equality. You had your chance and you failed me. My last problem is that the movie is about Russian domination. The only characters that do any killing are Ted and Salt, the Russian spies. The Americans in the movie die, surrender to the powerful Russian spy or aid them in some way and the only thing to save the USA from certain destruction is another Russian spy. I wanted to see this movie because I thought it might be a fun play on regeneration through violence but it ended up attempting to subvert it in a way that I do not see fit. I will not spend the next sentence stating what the movie should have shown us. Americans are tough; Russians are not. You let me down tonight Hollywood but I will most likely forgive you next weekend. Curse me.

I que es la veritat?

I went to Spain this summer and visited three beautiful cities: Madrid, Granada and Barcelona. It is tough to decide which is my favorite so as to not offend the other cities I will not choose one over the others. It is much easier to choose my favorite places in those cities. La Alhambra (perhaps the most beautiful place on earth) in Granada and El templo de la familia sagrada in Barcelona are easily my top two. On the door to the Catalan temple are written several words and phrases referencing Christ and His Gospel; I found none more powerful than I QUE ES LA VERITAT? (and what is the truth?). This is a question that I constantly ask myself as I live my life. Is that true? Or maybe that is what is true? I find it always important to be searching for more truth all the time.

Truth is not just found in religious contexts but I also find a desire to know what is true in history. Who was Alexander the Great and why was he so "great"? Was Abe Lincoln really that honest? I am forced to search and try and discover what is true from all of the things that have been written about these figures. Sadly, with most historical figures much of the so-called biographies are just as fictional as the novels that I read.

While browsing the internet (much more convenient than browsing an actual store), I discovered Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. It is a novel by the same author who co-wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies with Jane Austen (if Tupac can still come out with songs, Jane Austen can still write books).

I chose to read this novel because of many conversations that I have had with people about the mythification of Abe Lincoln. He has never been one of my favorite presidents; in fact, it might be said that I didn't really like him but his life is still fascinating because of the way in which many people deify him. This novel takes this to a whole new level. Now Abraham Lincoln is the killer that I have always believed him to be except now he is doing so to protect us from vampires and avenge his mothers death. I cannot think of many more noble causes and so Mr. Lincoln now deserves his place on Mt. Rushmore.

The question that this novel provokes then must be "Is this novel more or less true than other attempts at reviewing the life of the former president?" Other biographies discuss his talent for giving a great speech, his honesty, how he assembled his cabinet from his enemies and more. Are we to believe everything that those biographies purport to be truth as such. It is impossible to say that Abraham Lincoln was the perfect man as many people are prone to believe but that is what history books teach about him. His true history is now left for me to decide for myself and I choose to believe that he was the greatest killer the world has ever seen.


For those interested in regeneration through violence, my next post regarding this novel will probably be about RTV but will not occur until I finish the novel.

My first post

As an attempt to entertain my audience with my wit and charm I have thought over and over about what this blog will be about. Basically, I have lots of thoughts in my head that I like to share and if you love them or hate them or don't care about them, this is the place where you can find them 24/7.
This might sound narcissistic (it probably is) but I know that everyone wants to know what I am thinking all the time about a wide variety of subjects. I will most likely talk about sports, politics, books, movies and things that I find funny but I will not limit myself to those topics. It really could be anything. I hope you all enjoy my posts as much as I do.

And now a picture of me.