I need more SALT!!!!

Quick rating of movie. 2/5. 2nd star is earned because it is a so horrible it is funny movie.

Spoiler alert for anyone planning on watching Salt. Do not continue reading unless you want to know everything about the movie that I deem important to know for my post.


OK so here we go with my personal analysis of the movie. Now the obligatory recap of the movie. Salt is a Russian spy undercover in the CIA who has been outed by another Russian spy. She is on a mission to kill the Russian president so that we can relive the Cold War. I love this idea. Anything that involves US and Russia relations worsening is great as long as the US wins but this movie did not quench my thirst for action or Cold War.

I have two major problems. First, the movie could easily be condensed (and simplified) to a 30-45 minute beginning and then we could have an hour of her killing Russian spies. I love it. As it stands, the movie is more of a 1.5 hour trailer for Salt II. Dislike. Second, the movie is not very actiony. When I go to see a movie that is advertised as the feminine Jason Bourne, I expect it to be a female that kicks butt like Bourne did. I did not expect it to be a pansyfication of the Bourne genre. I have now learned that when a movie is labeled as the feminine that it is going to suck. Hollywood has now taught me that girls aren't as kick butt as guys undoing everything that my grade school education did for gender equality. You had your chance and you failed me. My last problem is that the movie is about Russian domination. The only characters that do any killing are Ted and Salt, the Russian spies. The Americans in the movie die, surrender to the powerful Russian spy or aid them in some way and the only thing to save the USA from certain destruction is another Russian spy. I wanted to see this movie because I thought it might be a fun play on regeneration through violence but it ended up attempting to subvert it in a way that I do not see fit. I will not spend the next sentence stating what the movie should have shown us. Americans are tough; Russians are not. You let me down tonight Hollywood but I will most likely forgive you next weekend. Curse me.